In the early 2000s, Andrew Peralta knew he was gay, but he remembers clearly the five students at Hamden High that had come out.
“It was very distressing and confusing because if you felt you were different, or that you were possibly gay, you certainly couldn’t be out at all,” he recalled. “Being gay was very much a no-no.”
Now 35, Peralta remembers being bullied by his classmates from second grade through high school. It kept him in the closet until his freshman year of college.
“The teachers did the best that they could, but some other ones saw bullying going on right in front of their faces,” Peralta said. “ They didn’t do anything about it. Nothing. They never took me to the side and say, ‘Listen, are you having a hard time? Are people saying hurtful things about you?’ Nothing like that.”
Such is the case in a small town – a cliche that is the reality for many lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans kids who grow up outside metropolises.
“There was no support system. There was no group in school for people that were gay that they could come together and talk about their experiences,” Peralta said. “Nothing, there was no support, and then in the public culture at the time, it was totally like you were the butt of the joke. For people, it was just normal. And so, it was very much a closeted culture.”
But, while some things stay the same – hate crimes and bullying behavior, for example – progress is taking place in America’s smaller cities and towns.
Hamden, Connecticut is a town of approximately 60,000. New Haven, just eight miles south, is nearly double the size.
While there is no LGBTQ bar or pride center in Hamden, the town hosted its first annual Pride celebration in June 2022 after the pandemic stalled a 2019 event.
Leaving many of its residents to leave town to find their community. Peralta said if there were more LGBTQ resources like a Hamden Pride event, for example, growing up he would have had a more positive time growing up in Hamden as a member of the LGBTQ community.
Liz Bossoli, 34, is a lifelong Hamden resident. But, she wasn’t aware of an LGBTQ community in the town until she caught a vandal in her yard in the early hours of the morning on Christmas Eve 2021.
Bossoli and her husband witnessed someone slashing their pride flag from their security camera. A few days later, after Bossoli’s husband repaired the flag, the suspect returned to the scene to repeat the crime.
Bossoli, who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ community, said, “I became more aware of the gay community in town” as much of the town’s LGBTQ community and allies reached out and expressed their support after Bossoli publicized the crime on social media.
Jacky Forcucci, 33, reached out to Bossoli on Facebook to invite Bossoli to join the Hamden Pride Facebook group.
After that, Bossoli attended a meeting and began collaborating on Hamden’s first annual LGBTQ Pride event.
“I decided that I wanted to participate and especially take advantage of the opportunity to give back after we received so much support from so many in the community after the incident with our flag,” Bossoli said.
Forcucci, who moved to Hamden in 2019, threw the town’s first annual Pride celebration on Saturday, June 18 alongside members of the Hamden Pride Committee. The celebration featured a drag queen story hour, face painting, resources for the LGBTQ community, food trucks, a performance from lesbian country singer Carrie Ashton and craft and retail vendors. The Town of Hamden partially sponsored the event.
Forcucci said having pride events can create “a sense of power and community” and “can kind of open (Hamden resident’s) eyes and be educated and have opportunities to get past whatever possible judgments they may have previously held.”
The original Pride celebration in October 2019 also took place at Town Center Park with Square Foot Theatre Company and the Hamden Department of Arts and Culture sponsoring it. The Hamden Public Library and the Connecticut Gay Men’s Chorus hosted booths.
“I think it’s important for all of Hamden to know that we exist and that we’re your neighbors and your teachers,” Forcucci said. “I have friends that died in Hamden that are same-sex couples with and without children. I think it’s just wherever you are, but unless you have events like these, people don’t see the diversity around them and they don’t recognize who their neighbor or who their teacher is.”
For the past 22 years, New Haven, which is about a 15-minute drive from Hamden, has hosted its Pride event in September.
Forcucci said she was tired of having to drive out of town with her wife and three children to go to other local pride events like the one in New Haven to connect with her community, which was a contributing factor to the need she felt to set up this year’s first annual Pride event of its scale in Hamden.
“We’re close to New Haven, which, you know, it’s great because it means we can attend New Haven’s Pride,” Forcucci said. “We’ve been to drag shows in New Haven and we’ve been to their Pride event. But, for one, that’s in September, so we thought it’d be nice to have something in June, close to home and also we both live in Hamden.”
Peralta marvels at his hometown’s progress.
“I would have come out of the closet way sooner than I had. It would have changed everything. Maybe I don’t know, maybe then I would have been one of those kids like today, who’s 10 or 11 and is declaring their sexuality and nobody has a problem with that,” Peralta said.
The visibility hasn’t stopped with a celebration but has reached into health care and other community showcases of support.
Anchor Health, located at 2200 Whitney Ave. Suite 290, is Connecticut’s only trans and queer-led health center for the LGBTQ community. It opened its doors in Hamden in 2016.
The town government held a flag-raising ceremony on June 1, 2022, to celebrate Pride Month. The Hamden Public Library hosted a LGBTQIA+ Educational Community Forum and Dinner on June 2, as well.
Freddie Swindal, manager of support services at New Haven Pride Center located at 84 Orange St., said there are two pride centers in the state. The other is the Triangle Community Center in Norwalk.
Given that, Swindal said, clients come from all over the state – including from Hamden.
One of the other main draws for members of the LGBTQ community from Hamden to the pride center is the yearning to socialize with other people within in their community, he said.
“I feel like a lot of folks from coming down (to New Haven) Hamden because there isn’t much visibility other than Anchor Health,” Swindal said. “We have gay bars here and things like that. But I really don’t think that there is one in Hamden. And we have a lot of different events here and stuff like that. So it seems to kind of be like a mix of folks who are asking about resources for like housing but also resources for their for social support, wanting to be around other LGBT folks. It’s just a lot easier to find them here.”
Greggor Mattson, professor of sociology at Oberlin College and Conservatory and member of the gender, sexuality, and feminist studies program, regularly organizes an LGBTQ happy hour for adults in his small town of Oberlin, Ohio.
Mattson said there were no LGBTQ pride events, bars or community centers in his hometown of Camas, Washington, which is about 20 miles from Portland, Oregon.
Mattson said having places for queer people to connect with other people within their community in their small towns is essential because “many queer people want to live near their family” and would “ live a more fulfilled and happy community life” if Pride existed in their hometowns.
“I need that space,” Mattson said. “I like to be around our people. I think we’re particularly funny and fun. And so there’s a way that you can relax with people like you that I think is very soul-sustaining.”
Clare Forstie, author of “Theory Making from the Middle: Researching LGBTQ Communities in Small Cities” and education program specialist at the University of Minnesota said, based on her research of small towns in the Midwest, that LGBTQ people who are close to their families “didn’t necessarily articulate as much a need to be part of a local LGBTQ group or go to a gay bar” however, people who don’t have those family ties might especially need that sense of community.
“If you’re not white, if you’re single, if you don’t have family in the area, you might need some sense of community.,” Forstie said.
Mattson said small-town pride is more meaningful than bigger city pride events because they’re more necessary.
“When you go to Pride in D.C., it’s lots of queer people watching,” he said. “When it’s a small town, you almost need all the queer people on the stage or in the parade because we’re here for us – not so much here for the others.”
Bossoli feels that.
“I think is important for (LGBTQ) members of our town, specifically, to receive the message that their community is affirming and embraces them,” she said. “And one of the things that I found most striking once I was actually at our Pride event was observing the age range of attendance, and people who were benefiting from the sense of community and celebration.”
There are still strides Hamden needs to take, however, some citizens said.
Peralta said Hamden is not as “free” or “open” as New Haven. He still doesn’t feel as comfortable expressing his love for his husband publicly in Hamden when he visits his parents.
“It is very much a small town. You know, everybody who grew up in that town … they know you, they know your family, they know your dirt and your personal business. They know it all,” he said. “So is it as open or would I feel as comfortable holding my husband’s hand or kissing my husband in a public space in Hamden as I would in New Haven? No, the answer is no to that.”
Forcucci said after she gave birth to her son, she went to request her son’s birth certificate on the Hamden town website when she noticed the form still listed the parents as mother and father, instead of something inclusive like “parent/parent.”
“There’s no need for that,” Forcucci said. “You know, I want to say little ways but they’re not really little, right? Like what you could do, right? Just make it more inclusive on all the forms.
“You know, if we can continue to do things like flag-raising and pride events have them be partly funded and supported by the town and I’d say we’re moving in the right direction.”